The road has become an honest, trustworthy teacher. Twenty minutes of driving tells me more about this motorhome than a day of sitting stationary ever can. The following words are pieced together as a story about learning to navigate uncertainty without losing your curiosity, your compassion and empathy, nor your sense of purpose.

The road chose our departure date for us. Clove and I had been holding steadfast for the time necessary to prepare the road leap. Our extractive and exhaustive move was still settling in our bones… and then, the settling asked us to change each aspect of our planet coordinates again, in one week.

While the past three weeks have been an unexpected switchback along the trail, my road shoes were on and my heart intact. Then, the place where the motorhome had been parked unexpectedly became unavailable, and Clove and I suddenly found ourselves with seven days to gather ourselves, change our plans, and head out on the road much, much sooner than either of us had imagined.

To be raw and bloody honest, it felt like the ground disappeared beneath our feet and the rug snapped viciously out from under. There was shame, avoidance, miscommunication, missed opportunities, and ultimate acceptance. The plan had been to find some solid income in order to breach much closer to making the motorhome safe and dependable before beginning this next leg of the tour. The road had other ideas. Of course!

The Road Does Not Wait

Those seven days became one long sprint of packing, planning, continuing the search for work, and making difficult decisions. All the while, working day and night to stay one step ahead while carrying the precious weight of uncertainty. Before I was able to breathe it, we were living the very thing I had been working so hard to prepare for. Ready or not, the journey had begun.

Finding Our Rhythm

We have now been on the road for about two weeks and it has not been easy to assimilate. There have been moments that were incredibly uncomfortable, moments that resonated uncertainty from the core of the earth, and most recently the moments of quick decisions from unsafe situations. I can not give up now, each morning brings another opportunity to keep free of the cobwebs working so hard to encircle my situation.

I have been witness to my resilience and it does not arrive all at once. It keeps showing up in the small corners of decisions. A choice, most times, to just make a meal and take that moment to rest before giving worry to the tomorrow. Those breaths ease my nervous system before solving the next problem which are, without a doubt, about to show up. Clove is not a road warrior yet, she still needs a quiet place to curl up and we both spend an enormous amount of time to find a safe place to park each night.

I do believe that carving space for restful moments before tackling the next obstacle is bearing the fruits of a clear head. The clarity is not a luxury. It is the very thing that gives way to growing my road legs.

Small Victories Matter

The motorhome is proving itself in so many ways and reminding me where it can use a big hug in others. The good news is that it runs. It does not purr like a kitty, yet. It can not climb mountains, yet. The challenging news is that it overheats after about twenty minutes of driving, the brakes are sticking, there is a whirring sound with huge play in the steering column, and is due for a full tuneup. A whole lotta love before any longer trips become realistic. Those repairs have become our next major priority. The road less traveled has a way of revealing what no inspection will ever be able to.

Kindness Finds You

One of the most spectacular parts of these past weeks has been discovering how kindness and strength continue to appear exactly when desperation hits and very much needed. A dear friend stepped in with support that helped carry us through the very first, difficult stretch. A small and mighty work opportunity came through at just the right moment. Those moments reminded me that even when plans fall apart, community has a remarkable way of showing up. I will not ever take that for granted and hope it becomes reciprocal for the rest of my days. I know who I am and my closest friends know exactly who I am. There will always be the scared looks of uncertainty from some and it is not my job to convince, only to be exactly the honest and trustworthy companion possible.

Looking Ahead

If this journey has carved in me anything so far, it is that flexibility may become one of the most valuable tools in my carry bag. The roadmap has changed and probably will continue to do so. The timeline has changed and is asking me to leave open those possibilities indefinitely. Even the destination sometimes feels more askew than I had imagined it to be. The purpose has not changed and the work continues. The motorhome is still asking for my attention, right now. The Listening Atlas is awaiting to be built like firewood set next to a pit. And, probably most importantly, Clove and I are moving forward, one step, one mile, one repair, and one day at a time.

Thank You

Thank you to everyone who has continued to follow along, donate, share updates, shop with Under The Root, and encourage us through every step of this unexpected switchback in the road. While this was not the chapter I had expected to write, maybe that is exactly the yarn that was needed on this weave of a journey. The road did not ask permission if we were ready. It plopped us down and pointed us in a direction to map out, and that is what we are plugging away to do.

From My Field Notes

(an additional segment with writings and stories from the road)

DEAR GRANDMA

The monsters surrounded every corner,
deals were made,
horns in a cacophone,
generators unyielding,
people yelling and pissing on the ground,
doors slamming with rebound.

My triggers lighting up like a house on fire,
i lay frozen, without fight nor flight,
solid as a stone under the covers,
weaving spells along every nook and cranny,
windows, walls, and cries for,
help from Granny.

At the break of light, slithered into the seat out of sight,
pretending to mean that all along,
thick white plumes out the pipes,
proceeded to roll along.

Bind these windows and doors and walls,
Keep away what does not belong,
Draw in what is to sail along.

WE CONTINUE ON.

MEDIA KIT: https://undertheroot.studio/motorhome-death-doula-artist-and-cat-clove

UPDATES: https://undertheroot.studio/artist-cat-clove-motorhome-updates

GOFUNDME: https://www.gofundme.com/f/motorhome-for-artist-and-clove

CONTACT: https://undertheroot.studio/contact

Here We Go!

After weeks of quick pivot decisions, sorting and cleaning, moving and organizing, juggling and sobbing, with the ultimate step to stabilize our situation, we have officially begun keeping a maintenance and repair log for the motorhome. I am onsite with the rig every day. The reality that this is happening is still settling like dust from the morning sunbeams, my brain is every where. Our belongings are still spread out over three different places but that will eventually balance out as time moves. A journal satiates my need for organization and represents the beginning of a more intentional restoration process. We are no longer guessing about future repairs, the present moment is in action mode. The interior is a starting place as this is where we will eventually live. It feels very humbling to be in this phase of the process.

Progress Meter So Far

The past week focused on cleaning, assessment, holding my shit together, documentation, repairing what can be repaired with the tools and materials available to us now, which is a lot. The rig welcomes me each morning and although the pace is in the turtle lane, we are steady as we go. In the beginning, the tasks seemed too minor, but after a week of daily work and logging into the journal, I have found a sense of calm wonder and comfort. We are doing this with something we own and not one second of regret nor sadness is being built into our future hobbit house on wheels.

The meter reads this:

Removed rusted hinges
Scrubbed oxidation from every window screen
Replaced screen mesh and spline throughout
Sourced and replaced window handles
Removed moldy cushions and fabric materials
Washed walls, sinks, basins, and interior surfaces
Tracked active leaks during a rainstorm for future sealing and repairs
Logged appliance model numbers for future troubleshooting and replacement parts or downright removal
Replaced faucet aerators
Discovered abandoned mouse nests hidden behind the stove and the shore electric hookup
Replaced broken bolts in the center cab console
Stumbled on a salvage shop that specializes in rv parts and repairs

What We Are Working On Next

The focus for this upcoming week is on clearing out damaged systems and learning more about the motorhome's infrastructure with a flashlight, gloves, and a face mask. We are in the age of videos and manuals and diy experts to help with questions that arise. A lot has happened since 1983 when this rig was built so wiping away the past is more possible than ever before. My design brain can do this and some dear friends are in orbit to hold a safety net when times may seem darker than usual and times when another set of eyes makes more sense. Every system I inspect teaches me more about what works, what does not, and what will be required to make this motorhome a more functional, efficient field base and studio.

The week has dreams:

Removing the overused, fold down bed to turn the area into a simple bench
Tracing and documenting the fresh water system from beginning to washed hands
Draining, flushing, sanitizing the fresh water tank that feeds the gray water tank
Preparing for the black tank complete removal
Preparing for safe and complete removal of the broken generator
Preparing for extraction of the existing toilet and capping the black water system, with high hopes of obtaining a Joocla GottaGo in its place

What is Simmering in the Death Work Cauldron?

Tonight is the New Moon, the night dark, big dipper low and bright, pretty sure Jupiter is in eyesight. The words followed a question that seemed too expanse for me to handle. I want to write a book, a documentary memoir of death with answers off the tongue from people across the lands. The land is singing death as a normal occurence, yet a death grip on my heels is pulling down and stretching my body into fragments too small for the human eye. My interpretation of the entire project is asking consensual conversations to happen, possibly with questions about personal thoughts. Why is death? What does death say and do? When is death? Where is death?
Remedial, maybe to some and depends on what kind of day you are having at present. However, the answers or solutions are exploding with gifts from the land and the humans to the underworlds and back again for all of us.

This is important, we carry on to the tasks at hand.

Working With What We Have

At the present moment, there are no additional funds available for major purchases or repairs. In fact, this typing is being done on a 2012 MacBook Pro and I just placed ice packs underneath it because the thing overheats. My admiration for the capability of computers to connect people supercedes my desire to quit at least pushing through any obstacles.
So, the focus is on using what is already on hand for cleaning, documenting, dismantling damaged components, salvaging reusable materials, and preparing for future repairs. When frustration takes hold or anxiety wakes me up in the middle of the night, over my head is a night sky so limitless and without boundaries that these gigantic trees hush me to the sound of the winds. It is frickin’ frightening and exhilarating to be engulfed by the sights seen. I have been moving so fast for so long; even when I am convinced that I had been moving slower, the reminders by the forest in front of me softens me to tears. Slow your roll, there is a smell of sweetgrass in the air.

Another Way to Support Our Journey

For those who have asked how they can assist beyond donations, Under The Root has an online shop that will continue to be available. There are handcrafted goods, educational materials, and community resources that continue to help support the work we are doing. Please explore, investigate, share, or even purchase directly from our site here. The support adds to our efforts, encourages more designs, stabilizes our housing situation, and juices up the restoration work on the motorhome.

A Precious Thank You Every Damn Day

To those who continue to read up on the updates, pop in to read more, are inspired to share this death worker and their black pearl story, make a visit inside the online shop, and send thoughts or words of your time on this planet right now, Clove and I continue to thank you from the boundless night skies. This project is pointed towards an expedition of death work and the death across lands full of people looking at the same, or similar, expansion of night skies.

Our death work support services are the solar plexus of Under The Root now. If you know of someone that may benefit from a death companion, a referral pops up in your mind to grow this audience of participation along the way, or you want to hold a conversation about your situation, it will be a delight to begin or continue conversations.