1983 GMC motorhome

The Unexpected Switchback and Learning to Find Home Wherever the Road Leads

The road has become an honest, trustworthy teacher. Twenty minutes of driving tells me more about this motorhome than a day of sitting stationary ever can. The following words are pieced together as a story about learning to navigate uncertainty without losing your curiosity, your compassion and empathy, nor your sense of purpose.

The road chose our departure date for us. Clove and I had been holding steadfast for the time necessary to prepare the road leap. Our extractive and exhaustive move was still settling in our bones… and then, the settling asked us to change each aspect of our planet coordinates again, in one week.

While the past three weeks have been an unexpected switchback along the trail, my road shoes were on and my heart intact. Then, the place where the motorhome had been parked unexpectedly became unavailable, and Clove and I suddenly found ourselves with seven days to gather ourselves, change our plans, and head out on the road much, much sooner than either of us had imagined.

To be raw and bloody honest, it felt like the ground disappeared beneath our feet and the rug snapped viciously out from under. There was shame, avoidance, miscommunication, missed opportunities, and ultimate acceptance. The plan had been to find some solid income in order to breach much closer to making the motorhome safe and dependable before beginning this next leg of the tour. The road had other ideas. Of course!

The Road Does Not Wait

Those seven days became one long sprint of packing, planning, continuing the search for work, and making difficult decisions. All the while, working day and night to stay one step ahead while carrying the precious weight of uncertainty. Before I was able to breathe it, we were living the very thing I had been working so hard to prepare for. Ready or not, the journey had begun.

Finding Our Rhythm

We have now been on the road for about two weeks and it has not been easy to assimilate. There have been moments that were incredibly uncomfortable, moments that resonated uncertainty from the core of the earth, and most recently the moments of quick decisions from unsafe situations. I can not give up now, each morning brings another opportunity to keep free of the cobwebs working so hard to encircle my situation.

I have been witness to my resilience and it does not arrive all at once. It keeps showing up in the small corners of decisions. A choice, most times, to just make a meal and take that moment to rest before giving worry to the tomorrow. Those breaths ease my nervous system before solving the next problem which are, without a doubt, about to show up. Clove is not a road warrior yet, she still needs a quiet place to curl up and we both spend an enormous amount of time to find a safe place to park each night.

I do believe that carving space for restful moments before tackling the next obstacle is bearing the fruits of a clear head. The clarity is not a luxury. It is the very thing that gives way to growing my road legs.

Small Victories Matter

The motorhome is proving itself in so many ways and reminding me where it can use a big hug in others. The good news is that it runs. It does not purr like a kitty, yet. It can not climb mountains, yet. The challenging news is that it overheats after about twenty minutes of driving, the brakes are sticking, there is a whirring sound with huge play in the steering column, and is due for a full tuneup. A whole lotta love before any longer trips become realistic. Those repairs have become our next major priority. The road less traveled has a way of revealing what no inspection will ever be able to.

Kindness Finds You

One of the most spectacular parts of these past weeks has been discovering how kindness and strength continue to appear exactly when desperation hits and very much needed. A dear friend stepped in with support that helped carry us through the very first, difficult stretch. A small and mighty work opportunity came through at just the right moment. Those moments reminded me that even when plans fall apart, community has a remarkable way of showing up. I will not ever take that for granted and hope it becomes reciprocal for the rest of my days. I know who I am and my closest friends know exactly who I am. There will always be the scared looks of uncertainty from some and it is not my job to convince, only to be exactly the honest and trustworthy companion possible.

Looking Ahead

If this journey has carved in me anything so far, it is that flexibility may become one of the most valuable tools in my carry bag. The roadmap has changed and probably will continue to do so. The timeline has changed and is asking me to leave open those possibilities indefinitely. Even the destination sometimes feels more askew than I had imagined it to be. The purpose has not changed and the work continues. The motorhome is still asking for my attention, right now. The Listening Atlas is awaiting to be built like firewood set next to a pit. And, probably most importantly, Clove and I are moving forward, one step, one mile, one repair, and one day at a time.

Thank You

Thank you to everyone who has continued to follow along, donate, share updates, shop with Under The Root, and encourage us through every step of this unexpected switchback in the road. While this was not the chapter I had expected to write, maybe that is exactly the yarn that was needed on this weave of a journey. The road did not ask permission if we were ready. It plopped us down and pointed us in a direction to map out, and that is what we are plugging away to do.

From My Field Notes

(an additional segment with writings and stories from the road)

DEAR GRANDMA

The monsters surrounded every corner,
deals were made,
horns in a cacophone,
generators unyielding,
people yelling and pissing on the ground,
doors slamming with rebound.

My triggers lighting up like a house on fire,
i lay frozen, without fight nor flight,
solid as a stone under the covers,
weaving spells along every nook and cranny,
windows, walls, and cries for,
help from Granny.

At the break of light, slithered into the seat out of sight,
pretending to mean that all along,
thick white plumes out the pipes,
proceeded to roll along.

Bind these windows and doors and walls,
Keep away what does not belong,
Draw in what is to sail along.


WE CONTINUE ON.

MEDIA KIT: https://undertheroot.studio/motorhome-death-doula-artist-and-cat-clove

UPDATES: https://undertheroot.studio/artist-cat-clove-motorhome-updates

GOFUNDME: https://www.gofundme.com/f/motorhome-for-artist-and-clove

CONTACT: https://undertheroot.studio/contact

Motorhome Restoration One Step Ahead of the Mice

Here We Go!

After weeks of quick pivot decisions, sorting and cleaning, moving and organizing, juggling and sobbing, with the ultimate step to stabilize our situation, we have officially begun keeping a maintenance and repair log for the motorhome. I am onsite with the rig every day. The reality that this is happening is still settling like dust from the morning sunbeams, my brain is every where. Our belongings are still spread out over three different places but that will eventually balance out as time moves. A journal satiates my need for organization and represents the beginning of a more intentional restoration process. We are no longer guessing about future repairs, the present moment is in action mode. The interior is a starting place as this is where we will eventually live. It feels very humbling to be in this phase of the process.

Progress Meter So Far

The past week focused on cleaning, assessment, holding my shit together, documentation, repairing what can be repaired with the tools and materials available to us now, which is a lot. The rig welcomes me each morning and although the pace is in the turtle lane, we are steady as we go. In the beginning, the tasks seemed too minor, but after a week of daily work and logging into the journal, I have found a sense of calm wonder and comfort. We are doing this with something we own and not one second of regret nor sadness is being built into our future hobbit house on wheels.

The meter reads this:

  • Removed rusted hinges

  • Scrubbed oxidation from every window screen

  • Replaced screen mesh and spline throughout

  • Sourced and replaced window handles

  • Removed moldy cushions and fabric materials

  • Washed walls, sinks, basins, and interior surfaces

  • Tracked active leaks during a rainstorm for future sealing and repairs

  • Logged appliance model numbers for future troubleshooting and replacement parts or downright removal

  • Replaced faucet aerators

  • Discovered abandoned mouse nests hidden behind the stove and the shore electric hookup

  • Replaced broken bolts in the center cab console

  • Stumbled on a salvage shop that specializes in rv parts and repairs

What We Are Working On Next

The focus for this upcoming week is on clearing out damaged systems and learning more about the motorhome's infrastructure with a flashlight, gloves, and a face mask. We are in the age of videos and manuals and diy experts to help with questions that arise. A lot has happened since 1983 when this rig was built so wiping away the past is more possible than ever before. My design brain can do this and some dear friends are in orbit to hold a safety net when times may seem darker than usual and times when another set of eyes makes more sense. Every system I inspect teaches me more about what works, what does not, and what will be required to make this motorhome a more functional, efficient field base and studio.

The week has dreams:

  • Removing the overused, fold down bed to turn the area into a simple bench

  • Tracing and documenting the fresh water system from beginning to washed hands

  • Draining, flushing, sanitizing the fresh water tank that feeds the gray water tank

  • Preparing for the black tank complete removal

  • Preparing for safe and complete removal of the broken generator

  • Preparing for extraction of the existing toilet and capping the black water system, with high hopes of obtaining a Joocla GottaGo in its place

What is Simmering in the Death Work Cauldron?

Tonight is the New Moon, the night dark, big dipper low and bright, pretty sure Jupiter is in eyesight. The words followed a question that seemed too expanse for me to handle. I want to write a book, a documentary memoir of death with answers off the tongue from people across the lands. The land is singing death as a normal occurence, yet a death grip on my heels is pulling down and stretching my body into fragments too small for the human eye. My interpretation of the entire project is asking consensual conversations to happen, possibly with questions about personal thoughts. Why is death? What does death say and do? When is death? Where is death?
Remedial, maybe to some and depends on what kind of day you are having at present. However, the answers or solutions are exploding with gifts from the land and the humans to the underworlds and back again for all of us.

This is important, we carry on to the tasks at hand.

Working With What We Have

At the present moment, there are no additional funds available for major purchases or repairs. In fact, this typing is being done on a 2012 MacBook Pro and I just placed ice packs underneath it because the thing overheats. My admiration for the capability of computers to connect people supercedes my desire to quit at least pushing through any obstacles.
So, the focus is on using what is already on hand for cleaning, documenting, dismantling damaged components, salvaging reusable materials, and preparing for future repairs. When frustration takes hold or anxiety wakes me up in the middle of the night, over my head is a night sky so limitless and without boundaries that these gigantic trees hush me to the sound of the winds. It is frickin’ frightening and exhilarating to be engulfed by the sights seen. I have been moving so fast for so long; even when I am convinced that I had been moving slower, the reminders by the forest in front of me softens me to tears. Slow your roll, there is a smell of sweetgrass in the air.

Another Way to Support Our Journey

For those who have asked how they can assist beyond donations, Under The Root has an online shop that will continue to be available. There are handcrafted goods, educational materials, and community resources that continue to help support the work we are doing. Please explore, investigate, share, or even purchase directly from our site here. The support adds to our efforts, encourages more designs, stabilizes our housing situation, and juices up the restoration work on the motorhome.

A Precious Thank You Every Damn Day

To those who continue to read up on the updates, pop in to read more, are inspired to share this death worker and their black pearl story, make a visit inside the online shop, and send thoughts or words of your time on this planet right now, Clove and I continue to thank you from the boundless night skies. This project is pointed towards an expedition of death work and the death across lands full of people looking at the same, or similar, expansion of night skies.

Our death work support services are the solar plexus of Under The Root now. If you know of someone that may benefit from a death companion, a referral pops up in your mind to grow this audience of participation along the way, or you want to hold a conversation about your situation, it will be a delight to begin or continue conversations.

The Move Is Complete and Now the Work of Making Our Motorhome Livable Begins

It has been three weeks since our last update, yikes, and the length of time was for a valid reason. Clove and I were busy completing one of the largest and most exhausting tasks of this entire journey which was moving out of the home we have lived in for the past 10 years (Clove the last 5 years).

The move tested my patience and endurance for hours on end over the course of 14 days. It was far more physically, mentally, and emotionally demanding than I anticipated. The many people that came to my side for even a tiny conversation, shoulder to cry on, and ear to listen was probably the only reason I carried on day after day. At one point, our belongings were spread across three different locations, and it felt like each day brought another decision, another million loads to move, and another challenge to solve. It is fair to say that my new title is tetris master.

I am still recovering and ecstatic to report that we made it through the roughest terrain of the trip. We have a few more loads to sort out, but our belongings are now safely stored in a storage unit not far from where the motorhome is parked, and for the first time in weeks, I can finally pause to focus long enough and share this update with all of you.

The most important message here is that Clove and I are safe, sleeping comfortably together each night. This fact alone feels like a significant milestone.

The Next Phase Begins

With the packing, extraction, separation, and sorting of physical objects behind us, all of our attention can now shift toward the motorhome itself. Before we can return our focus to the deathcare ecosystem project and the work we are ultimately to build, we have to stabilize our living situation. The creation of a safe and functional home for us must come first. The motorhome has tremendous potential, but there are still some substantial mountains of work that need to happen before it can support our full time living.

The Priority List

Over the course of approximately 30 days, our goal must be to address the most critical livability and safety issues inside the rig. These are not cosmetic upgrades. They are the foundational systems that will make the difference between simply owning a motorhome and being able to safely live in one.

  • Restoration of the functional fresh water system

  • Replace 2 damaged roof air vents

  • Restore the shower system

  • Replace broken door locks for security

  • Install a working toilet

  • Obtain and install a refrigerator for proper nourishment

  • Reseal and rebed windows to prevent the leaks and water intrusion

  • Remove the broken generator and connect a working battery system for indoor electricity

One Step at a Time

We have a list, the manuals and tools by our side, and competence is at an all time high. We can do this, I just know it. The work towards these basic living systems is already underway. The present moment and the list above may seem gigantic, however, our priority is simple and I know that this CAN be accomplished to create a safe, secure, weather resistant place to live. Instead of our focus being a moving out, the momentum is in a forward motion of moving in.

Thank You

YOU did this. For all the generous hearts and minds of people who donated, shared the fundraiser, offered wildly helpful encouragement, or followed along with these updates, thank you from the center of my being. Your support has helped us take each and every step to reach this point, and it continues to inspire the essence of the project and gives us the ability to keep moving forward when the road feels overwhelming. When I was on my knees and thought I was able to move not one more inch, you were there to help me stand back up and keep plugging along. I ask that you continue to share this project so our audience gains more momentum and expands.

This journey is far from over and the next chapter has officially begun.

WE ARE ON OUR WAY THERE.

MEDIA KIT: https://undertheroot.studio/motorhome-death-doula-artist-and-cat-clove

UPDATES: https://undertheroot.studio/artist-cat-clove-motorhome-updates

GOFUNDME: https://www.gofundme.com/f/motorhome-for-artist-and-clove

CONTACT: https://undertheroot.studio/contact

Preparing for Full Time Motorhome Living and Leaving Our 10-Year Home Behind

Preparing for the Next Era

This week felt like a tight squeeze through an emotional roller coaster cave. I spent considerable time at the motorhome working with my hands to touch the metals, move away the dust and get in the crevices on the inside. It took 2 giant trash bags, loads of decisions for what stays and leaves, a helping hand from close friends, and an insecurity bared for all to see. My grounded trepidation yelled out at one point, YES! The allowance to be sad, grateful, excited, a mess, and strong beyond belief for shirking the dangerous levels of being unhoused. The motorhome is dirty and can use a bit of deep cleaning. It is not that ginormous inside which is good, the area that is there will be fully inspected if I am to bring a tiny being into its belly to thrive.

The reality of what it will take to turn this 1983 GMC into a safe and thrivable, full time home for me and Clove feels massive yet completely doable if only to move at a slower pace.

Cleaning Out the Interior and Surveying What Is Ahead

One of the biggest tasks this week was beginning the cleanup process inside the motorhome.

There was a significant amount to sort through and clear out, but spending time inside was pleasantly kind and gentle. My hands on visual learning self imagined what daily life may need to look like, that will be ongoing. This visit began to mold a piece of the puzzle that was missing. The brief but productive time also surveyed the exterior more carefully and began noting the areas that need attention to better protect the rig from weather and the elements. My imagination was running wild and more free. Each step reveals both the challenges ahead and the possibilities.

Making Plans for Full Time Living

I also made space to wonder about layout efficiency, weight, trash, water systems, heating, cooling, keeping air moving through the vehicle and keeping bugs to a minimum, food storage, Clove care, my care, and community care. This is just a different way of living than what has been in my sights for over 30 years. The full scope of the project is still at the beginning stages so first things first. Maintenance of presence when you want to soar is silliness and hard, necessary and worth every ounce. This process involves balancing limited space with comfort, safety, storage, and functionality. It is becoming crystal what needs to stay simple, what needs improvement, and what will make the biggest impact for return to a nourishing, routine balance and stability with progress for long term.

Major Administrative Progress

This week we obtained the new title, registered the motorhome, registered to vote, rented a storage unit, and began investigating the proper insurance and roadside assistance coverage. Every step away from an urban life continued the spiral to transform this motorhome into a fieldwork base, physical home base, and quiet, safe space for rebuild.

Preparing to Leave Our 10-Year Home

The rest of the week was focused solely on preparing to move away from a space that was built from the artist community, a pandemic and lockdown, public transformation with death, brutality, conscious awareness, and ugly truths all around us. My 15 year old feline left the planet in this space and another feline took up residence with the embodiment of a stoic, careful, thoughtful, tiny shadow image. I lost myself and found myself a million times over under the safety of these four walls. My business closed and reopened again. I made many genuine friends and gentle acquaintances that either brief or steadfast, remain as part of the tenderness with humanity. It is excavation time through years of belongings, pairing things down, deciding what moves forward with us. It is my understanding now that so many of these items are ready to sail on. A piece of me disappears and leaves open space all around.

Thank You for Continuing to Support Us

To the humans, communities, families, and personal friends that remain on the path of this journey… you have helped put fuel on the fire, mined stones for strength, wisht waters of growth, and breathed when there was no air. Thank you.

Your support and tenacity continues to lend forward movement during one of the most uncertain periods of my life, and I do not take that for granted. In fact, I come back to this journal for updates because of you.

Clove is watching all of this with a sturdy play routine and curiosity that lets me know she is ready. We are ready. The road ahead continues. Now if I can just find my warm socks. :)

WE ARE ON OUR WAY THERE.

MEDIA KIT: https://undertheroot.studio/motorhome-death-doula-artist-and-cat-clove

UPDATES: https://undertheroot.studio/artist-cat-clove-motorhome-updates

GOFUNDME: https://www.gofundme.com/f/motorhome-for-artist-and-clove

CONTACT: https://undertheroot.studio/contact

Successful Moving Sale Helps Us Take the Next Step Forward

I wanted to share another important update and some genuinely good news.

motorhome from eviction artist update

Our moving sale was a success, and we were able to raise the money needed to title, license, and insure the 1983 GMC motorhome. I will be filling out the paperwork and handing over the monies this upcoming week, and it feels like another huge step toward making this motorhome a real, functional home for me and Clove. Phew.

A Huge Relief After a Stressful Stretch

There have been a lot of moving parts throughout this journey, and every step forward has taken planning, patience, and support from others. We are now able to cover these immediate legal and insurance requirements. It takes a major weight off my shoulders. It means we can continue moving forward responsibly and legally while focusing on the larger repairs and updates still ahead.

Why This Step Matters

The motorhome will be titled, licensed, and insured in a couple days. It is not the most glamorous of steps, however, the legality sets in motion a piece of the puzzle that transforms this process. It makes the responsibility more palpable, and the realization of obtaining the documents is potent for this story’s continuation. Each step, such as this, lends a hand in the materialization of security and stability for Clove and myself.

Where We Are Now

We have currently raised $1,417 toward our first milestone goal of $7,500, and I remain deeply grateful for every donation, share, and kind message along the way. We hear you loud and clear.

Here is what is on deck for what immediately lies ahead:

  • Moving truck and storage unit rental

  • Mechanical, structural, and safety integrity of the vehicle

  • Necessary labor and time for interior improvements towards full time living

Thank You for Supporting This Journey

To everyone who has donated, shared the fundraiser, encouraged me, listened while I scrambled in the dark, or followed along here on the journal, you are beautiful, thank you.

The support I continue to feel means a lot. It has helped turn an overwhelming situation into something that is becoming exactly what is meant to happen. We may still have a long road ahead, but we are together and keeping one foot in front of the other.

WE ARE ON OUR WAY THERE.

MEDIA KIT: https://undertheroot.studio/motorhome-death-doula-artist-and-cat-clove

UPDATES: https://undertheroot.studio/artist-cat-clove-motorhome-updates

GOFUNDME: https://www.gofundme.com/f/motorhome-for-artist-and-clove

CONTACT: https://undertheroot.studio/contact

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