This is my present day juggle and the facts surrounding it are not for the faint of heart. This story is about what someone does when loss, survival, and hope collide at once.

I will begin with the endings.

After eight years with one tiny company and heaps of steady production work, as an independent contractor, my position was suddenly lost, evaporated before my very eyes. There was no lack of skill or commitment; the much broader economic forces shifted beneath my feet and disappeared the carpet from underneath. Tariffs changed the landscape and the higher ups made the decision to reign in their budget numbers. After the cut, I was left with not a large enough savings and no unemployment cushion. The absence of stability is what welcomed me when I landed home that night.

I pretended all was well and walked with curious, tiny steps of forward motion. The employment landscape was assessed by locating and targeting employment opportunities with daily applications. My years of experience began to mobilize in search of something sustainable. Community outreach, odd jobs, and selling personal belongings were a way to keep the cupboards full for myself and cat Clove. The volunteer work continued, the studying continued on. I dropped every possible subscription, insurance, and any extras to escape the ground giving way completely.

Until, the math of the time stopped working in my favor; the rent debt needed to be confronted with a decision. The landlord can not wait, eviction followed. The system wants you to believe in your failure and often leaves no margin for disruption in order to do so. I am now in the present moment, every moment, and here is where I shift the predictable, downward narrative into an expedition. A journey where my cat Clove and I are wildly tending to our survival by being within our community of becoming.

The Ending of Predictability

We faced the housing instability head on, again. We have been here many times. Normally, I am pushed into survival mode, grappling for a safe, sturdy home. This time feels slightly different. I am different, with so much help along the way of this life. My narrative no longer has room to be torn apart, thrown to the jail cell of impoverished survival, nor am I able to accept this predictable outcome.

There is an idea that comes through as simple on the surface, purchase a motorhome, make the adjustments for livability, and turn the hobbit house on wheels into both shelter, field base, and studio. Underneath that simplicity brews something more intentional; a woven platform for ways to travel and document and connect.

This expedition and journey will not be able to offer potable water if it is just about me. The journey lives at the intersection of expansive systems; an ethereal bond between art and deathcare. And in this bonded space is where explorations are happening with how we understand mortality, ritual, grief, and care across cultures. The plan is to move through different communities, actively listening and documenting, while emboldening cultural humility, ethical practices, and informed consent among our deathcare ecosystem. This narrative holds a space of place where we build a kind of living archive about how humans tend to death and each other.

It feels practical and poetic, as the necessity transforms into a mission.

Clove, the Companion

This newly written narrative does not unfold completely without a witness. Alongside my person is Clove. A feline I rescued six years ago, July 2020. She came from a 50 cat colony in a forest encampment miles away from where she is now. Feisty Felines scooped her up, one of the seven cats that asked to be rescued from that site.

I still have that video of her on the adoption page; she looked terrified, insecure, and absolutely ready for a different life. Clove is small in size but significant in presence for me. She is not just a pet, but a constant in a life that is about to become anything but constant. In these moments where work, housing, and routine have given way to quicksand, Clove represents our continuity.

The Reality Beneath the Vision

It certainly will be foolish to romanticize this expedition and journey. Images of the glorious open road with golden hour landscapes and dewy morning breezes; a wandering creative life unbound by rent or routine. I have been on the road before this and understand the reality can be much more turbulent than a simple and whimsical story. Besides, the underlying tapestry of this project runs far deeper into the ground. The motorhome is only part of the story. With the monies and the urgent time constraints, the most viable vehicle found needs to be titled, insured, repaired, and made structurally sound. It also needs to be safe and functional and weatherproofed for livability. The motorhome is the foundational phase of a far-reaching vision.

A Different Kind of Map

What is standing out to me most is that through the fog of hardship is a lighthouse. Instead of describing these moments as purely crisis, my mind is choosing a vision quest. I am selling my belongings, releasing long standing connections with my past lives, and becoming deliberate with my directional compass. The bridgework of this motorhome mystery tour leads to networks of connections that link people, places, and practices across a broader landscape of deathcare and culture. The map may not properly or perfectly exist yet, however, the actions revolve around moving through the world with listening, documenting, and participating in order to be present within the process of drawing it.

The Ask of Narration

From the core of my being, this is a story written about what happens when stability disappears, resilience resurrects, and a rebuild stands in its absence. This is a heavier lift than one story about one person trying to buy a motorhome. There are difficult questions and decisions to be made on a dime. There are even more unearthing questions which are happening deeper inside about home, place, value, and purpose. What does it look like to keep connecting with meaning and art when the ground is so winding and uncertain?

The Road Ahead

Right now, the goal is modest and immediate. We raise enough to build a safe, functional living space. The larger quest of vision stretches out farther, expanding to a moving home, a present day archive build, and root tending with care, culture, and conversation. Somewhere in the eye of this expedition and journey, between the breakdown and reinvention, a gentle stream of stability is waiting to emerge.